爱他。。。

没想过会爱他，也没想过能和他在一起。

因为爱他，我很想留在他身边。

因为在乎他，我每天都会想他。

因为不想离开他，不顾一切，一直要留在他身边。

因为不想让他担心，伤心的时候不会让他知道。

因为他伤心，我会比他更伤心。

有时候，因为他不明白一些事情，我会很难过。

有时候，觉得跟他的距离很远，我们好像站在不一样的世界。

有时候，他想什么事情，我不知道，也猜不到。

有时候，想他留在我身边，但是他有事情要忙。

有时候，他做的事情让我伤心，但是我很快都没事了，因为不想影响他的情绪。

不知道他是在想什么呢？

I May Not Be Strong...But I'll Hold Onto HOPE

I know I'm not strong nor am I a great person...I realised everything has changed drastically without warning,without hope of changing what has been changed...I had long embrace courage to face my fears and to protect those I love but I realised it is not easy to embrace change...
When I lose something dear to me, I will lose my direction...sociologically I'm in a state of Anomie,I know my friends care about me and I know I should not worry them...yet I am unable to help but cry to my hearts content...
Realising change is imminent and is coming towards me...I open my arms to embrace it for I realised it matters not the surroundings...what matters is your heart...for worse or for better..only you can shape your life...change is not necessarily good nor is it necessarily bad..one must learn to accept change to be able to change..
Hope is a light at the end of every tunnel...what you'll find there you'll never know but know this, the light may show you good or bad but remember...it'll always be there, have faith in Hope and have faith in God for He only knows what is good for us.

C.E. SOON

To Walk With Courage...

"Courage is not the absence of fear, rather what we're fighting for is more important than fear"

Look yonder, the road far ahead,
With no ending to it,
How far it'll stretch,
None of us knows it.

Walking down the road,
Slowly I trod,
Past the holes,
And past the bumps,
I'd trip once or twice,
But never a thrice.

Somewhere down the road,
My tears flowed out,
Somewhere in between,
My heart is crying out.

Knowing what I know,
It is now or never,
Ignoring the pain now,
Gaining the courage forever.

Waiting for bliss's arrival,
I'd be content with happiness,
Avoiding pain's arrival,
I'd be ignoring sadness.

Gaining courage,
I'd continue walking,
Fear will not defeat me,
Even if it lives in me.

I will continue to walk with courage, for what I am fighting for is more important than the fear I'm living with.

C.E. SOON

Arigatou...

A group of young adults sat huddled together around a small fire,bearing the cold of the upcoming winter, one girl lean forward and said,

"My friends....let me bring you into the fire and tell you a story of a girl...a lonely girl who found joy in her own way.." she said, the fire crackling away.

Along the corridors of a old school, still majestic,walked a lonely figure,her hair tied up into a pony-tail,she was not very tall,not very pretty or very cute. She was just an average school girl of sixteen. Her hands brush over the walls of her school,humming to herself and pondering her own thoughts, you see this girl from young was quite lonely,her classmates shunned her for she was not at par with what they were talking about and it was also because she spoke broad English. But she knew how to speak their language...she just didn't want to. Luckily for her,she found a friend who like her was shunned due to the same reasons, they became friends immendiately and soon they were best friends even the other had a sister who had also became her best friend. Then they went to the same high school, though they were separated by their classes,they always meet during recess and wait for each other after school. This girl was not quite lonely anymore yet she felt empty inside.
Years gone by and now,where our story began she was sixteen and gathered a group of friends who had the same hobbies and likings as she was and called themselves the Drain Gang.

The group of adults laughed,so did our narrator,"Yes...pretty funny,isn't it?" she said

They enjoyed themselves in their aged old school,they went through thick and thin...However one particular year when she was seventeen, she was placed in an obstacle so painful she felt as though all hope was lost. She was never really happy because she felt her father did not love her,she felt isolated and left out, but this year it was even more painful...Here I have to apologise,it is not right for me to reveal her secrets that she only revealed to those closest to her but please feel her pain.
Her friends help her through the obstacle and she was able to stand up and smile once again. Then school was over,they were separated. Again,fortunately this girl when to another school with most of her drain gang friends and joined a particular society that made her feel really at home. By now her father was already outstation for he needed extra jobs to support the family,this girl muddled through her pains with a smile on her face. In the society,however there are times when she feel so lonely that she wanted to cry out in pain but she bear it and put on a smile, now that school was really over. She now sat here and tell her friends this story that they know so well...and held onto a saying she thought of herself," I do not need pity all I need is understanding....I am not a poor person because physically,mentally and relationship wise I am rich for I have my friends and my family..."

The girl looked at her friends and say with a smile from her heart," Thank you for being an understanding person...I love you guys...soba ni ite kurete arigatou...thank you for being by my side...arigatou na.."

Hohoemi

Kono michi o arukeru toki
Mae o youku miemashita
Ima no watashi wa
Mae o mienai kedo
Mae o tsusunde dekiru

Hana you ni,
Watashi no mirai wa kitto kagayaiteru
Sou shinjimasu

Jibun no ibasho o sagashiteiru
Dare ka no kokoro no naka de
Jibun o mitsukeiru nara
Kitto ureshii yo

The road I have taken was clear and I could see ahead but now...eventhough I cannot see what's in front of me, I'll go on walking till the end.

Sudden Onset of Thoughts

Thoughts

What we want...may not be what we need....and what we need may not be what we want...the real questions is...what do we truly need?

My laughter is to hide my tears,my smile is to hide my pain, my small ray of hope came and gone,all my windows and doors are closed....and my path is blocked...where shall I go next? I am lock away in darkness with no salvation..

Love can be both sweet and bitter...sometimes we can choose between both sometimes we can't...sometimes they come together in such a way that one without the other would not explain the bitter sweet moments you've gained in your relationship...love is a miracle God has created to bring a little bit more happiness into the world.

There is no road without an end...

It takes courage to be who we are....but it takes everything to say what we think...our fear cripples our words and destroy who we are...let us face whatever that come upon us with bravery and faith towards all things will turn out the way its suppose to be...Even if we have no bravery or the courage to overcome hurdles,let your heart and what you believe in drive you pass the obstacles in life..

C.E. Soon

Ponderings....

There are times in my life...I just sit and think,
Of the questions I have in just a blink,
There are times in my life...I ponder my mind,
Yet the answers I seek I was unable to find.

Sometimes I wonder if our lives are meant to be the way it is...sometimes I wonder if the people we meet in this life were the people we met in our past life? Sometimes I wonder if the world would remain the same if there's a slight change of history? Sometimes it seems that there are no answers to the questions I have...Many a time I have sat and wondered...

If love was as simple as cutting a piece of cake,
if love was as complicated as a puzzle,
if life was as simple as peeling an orange
or if life was as complicated as a rubix cube.

2010 is nearing and I'm turning 20, sometimes I wondered in these 19 years of my life of the things I achieved. Like every other girl, I want to like someone yet sometimes I don't think I should...but when I do...they never liked me back....they never did..Not even once...I'm sure a number of teenagers or young adults out there share my experience...Good as I am in giving people advice in their love problems and common problems...I was never able to help myself,a doctor can never cure himself.

However, I still carry hope that in the near future or distant future, I'll meet someone like everyone else...Someone who I would call home wherever he is. We all may have bad experiences or bad relationships but as long as we don't give up easily and always move forward as well as learn to let go, our lives we'll be much easier. Let go of the things that are not yours and it'll stop killing you...

PS: Ahh...nonsense again.