I Finally Figure Out Why

I had not been sleeping well this morning and my wandered to a corner I had not visited for a long, long time. I realised that my inability to let go of something has a few reasons.

1st:
The person who was involved with the 'something' is a constant reminder of how stupid and foolish I once were and this keep the incident fresh in mind everytime I see him.

2nd:
The reasons used to break off our relationship was so ridiculuous that my pride and ego has been hurt badly.

3rd:
And lastly, I shun the memories I have with him and of him....It makes me shiver...and I feel dirty..

I understand that every memory is something precious and that I should cherish it but at the moment, I feel disgusted at how I had become during that time of my life. Maybe one day, I'll come to cherish it as an everlasting memory of something that taught me to stand up tall and walk the road of life again.

Rings and Their Meaning, To me

Stainless Steel Ring

A stainless steel ring, is stainless, just like a new relationship. It shines moderately with determination and simplicity but is easily scratch, like a new relationship, it is stainless but easily affected by simple obstacles that scratches the surface of the relationship.

Silver Ring

A silver ring, shines when one wears the ring. If one does not wear the ring, it will start to turn darker in colour. Like a relationship that has reached the second stage, it needs to be maintain and place close to heart so that the relationship will not turn stale like an old silver ring.

Gold Ring

A gold ring, shines and is stainless. When a relationship has ripen, it is like a gold ring. True love, true sacrife and true perserverance. A gold ring is like a relationship whereby the couple is willing and will walk the road together till the end of time.

My relationship, is still a baby. A stainless steel ring adorns my right hand, I hope one day, a gold ring will adorn my right hand when the time is right.

There are times...

I wonder...

There are times I wonder if you'll know what I am thinking without me telling you.

There are times I want to tell you some things but yet, hesitate because I don't think I should.

There are times I want something from you but I dare not say it out for fear I am asking too much from you

There are times I will space out, in my mind wondering, whether you'll notice that my mood had gone down.

There are times I know what you're thinking about, but are there times you know what I am thinking about?

There are times, recently I notice there are less kisses from you, I know what it is that you fear...I wonder if you know what I am fearing now?

There are times when I can't help but hug you because my heart feels cold.

There are times that the smile I give in front of you, it isn't real, do you know?

There are times when 'I'm fine' means 'I'm not alright, I just dont want you to worry.'

There are times I wonder if I was thinking too much, I know I have...

But am I really?

人生的一个困难

我不懂得该如何。。。
我懂您担心。。。
我懂您觉得我会给人骗。。
但我很想相信，我做这个决定是没错的。。。
我很想试试看。。。我和他，能走多久，多远。。。
未来我们都不知道会发生什么事。。
我的心，跟我说，喜欢就喜欢。。。
我很想您给我机会，给他机会，真明给您看。可以吗？

我知道您疼我。。。
我也很爱很爱您。。。
您说的一切，
对我来说。。。
是世界的一切。。。
我真的懂，您说的一切。。。
但是。。。
可以不要否认我的努力吗？

这一次。。。给我，给他。。机会吧。。。

C.E.Soon

Is she wrong?

Boy:I broke up with her.

His Best Friend:What happened?

Boy:She’s just too much for me. ...

His Best Friend:What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy:Well, ...for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy:Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink much. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy:But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy:I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her.

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy:Well, she....

His Best Friend:You broke up with her because she just wanna be a good one for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. And I just heard that you found a new one whom just came into your life recently, so that made you simply break your girlfriend's heart just like that? Are you sure that, that girl is real good? Not because of illusion? Are you proud?

Boy:I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

His Best Friend:You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened...

 Credits: A friend, from a friend of friend etc~ Anon.

问题出现了。。。

上了Degree的苦：问题出现了！

 我有个朋友。。。让我很想跟他讲这些话。。。

跟你讲话好苦。。讲那样又不是，讲这样又不是！你到底要怎样！？

讲一下话，又开始吵了~人家又没有要跟你吵~！是你自己，讲一点，又不讲一点。。。讲话讲好来啦！！！！气死我了！

你人很奇怪~你不让我知道你人是怎样，那我就只能猜,但是你又讲我assume你人是如何....你到底要我怎样？==！！

是你自己对事不问不问的。。。真的不想跟你讲任何关于我的事情。。。==讲给你听你又不里，不讲。。。你又不会想人家的感受讲话。。。气死我了！！！

算了。。。算了。。。不要讲那个死笨蛋。。。== 讲他就气。。。

另一个问题。。。==干吗我身边的人都奇奇怪怪的？讲话。。。没想过。。。做事情。。。也没想好。。。== 还是我自己有问题？

New Beginning~

Ah~it's nearly the end of the first trimester in degree~ Hahaha~~been such long time since I updated this blog. There isn't much in my life now except studies~ I just love my course.

I did like someone but I gave up because there was just too much tears to begin with..XD He annoys me, irritates me and is such a pain in the neck. My heart was messed up because of him. He is the first person I have difficulty in understanding and communicating, due to this I have even doubted my abilities in socializing with others.

I admit I am still a tiny bit fond of him because there are times I thought of him but it was too much trouble and too much pain to even put him in a position that matters because I once did and I cried nearly every day and he wasn't worth the agony but he is worth the hardship in trying to be friends with him.

So I have yet to like anyone in degree and right now I just want to focus on myself and my studies which interests me and is an excitement to me~ Because being an student is worth all the stress! XD

Hahahah~~thats all for now~~XD

C.E.Soon