The Light in the Dark

黑暗里的光线

It had been a long time since I have been here, re-reading posts that I have made. I realised I have come a long way, a long long way indeed.

I have not once, not twice, not even thrice but many times in my life found myself within a darkness I cannot escape. No windows, no doors...But I believe in God and His miracles as well as myself. A ray of light appears in the darkness, waiting patiently for me to approach it, to bask in it.

I have found a ray of light in the darkness that had trapped me. It reminded me of the story of the Pandora's Box, when the box was open, all had escaped... except hope. And with Hope, I have gained a ray of light that had ever since been the guiding light in my life.

Many times in life, we find ourselves trapped in a corner in the dark but God will always, ALWAYS bring a ray of light into your life. Find it, use it and get yourself out of the darkness.

We fear the dark for we fear the unknown, God will never get rid of the unknown but you can keep it at bay and you can turn it into the known. Life is a journey of discovery. And be positive in it. You only have one life. Live it.

A hard feeling...

It is not that I am someone who craves for money, I am just someone who hope and wishes that my family would have enough to use without having to worry whether we will get through the month with enough money to start the next.

I have many concerns and many things that I cannot solve. I try my best and I know God recognizes my efforts and lessen my burdens. When I see how other could use their money without a care in the world, I feel envious. I envy them, they may worry about it later but they could always ask their parents for more if they had overuse. No such thing exist in my family.

I want to be released from worrying about money, about whether I would have enough money to eat tomorrow or whether I have money to pay rent. I want so many stuff yet cannot have them. I look at them, and turn to the price, I walk away. I cannot afford stuff like that.

Now that there's an assignment that requires me to use up to RM100 just to get credit for it, I would be left with no money at all. How can I ask for money? When my family has so little to use? I am in a dilemma. I feel very deprived and sad and I really really really want to cry.

There has always been ways for me to solve my problems, I always stay postive. Who knows? There's always a silver lining in those dark clouds that hover over me. No matter how many times I cry, how many times I feel like giving up....I have to tell myself. There are others worse off than you.

In this world there are 3 types of people, those who have nothing, those who have everything and those who are in between. When you have nothing, there's nothing to lose. When you have everything, there's nothing to worry. It's when you're in between that you have something to lose and things to worry.

I am not strong. But I'll live.

I Finally Figure Out Why

I had not been sleeping well this morning and my wandered to a corner I had not visited for a long, long time. I realised that my inability to let go of something has a few reasons.

1st:
The person who was involved with the 'something' is a constant reminder of how stupid and foolish I once were and this keep the incident fresh in mind everytime I see him.

2nd:
The reasons used to break off our relationship was so ridiculuous that my pride and ego has been hurt badly.

3rd:
And lastly, I shun the memories I have with him and of him....It makes me shiver...and I feel dirty..

I understand that every memory is something precious and that I should cherish it but at the moment, I feel disgusted at how I had become during that time of my life. Maybe one day, I'll come to cherish it as an everlasting memory of something that taught me to stand up tall and walk the road of life again.

Rings and Their Meaning, To me

Stainless Steel Ring

A stainless steel ring, is stainless, just like a new relationship. It shines moderately with determination and simplicity but is easily scratch, like a new relationship, it is stainless but easily affected by simple obstacles that scratches the surface of the relationship.

Silver Ring

A silver ring, shines when one wears the ring. If one does not wear the ring, it will start to turn darker in colour. Like a relationship that has reached the second stage, it needs to be maintain and place close to heart so that the relationship will not turn stale like an old silver ring.

Gold Ring

A gold ring, shines and is stainless. When a relationship has ripen, it is like a gold ring. True love, true sacrife and true perserverance. A gold ring is like a relationship whereby the couple is willing and will walk the road together till the end of time.

My relationship, is still a baby. A stainless steel ring adorns my right hand, I hope one day, a gold ring will adorn my right hand when the time is right.

There are times...

I wonder...

There are times I wonder if you'll know what I am thinking without me telling you.

There are times I want to tell you some things but yet, hesitate because I don't think I should.

There are times I want something from you but I dare not say it out for fear I am asking too much from you

There are times I will space out, in my mind wondering, whether you'll notice that my mood had gone down.

There are times I know what you're thinking about, but are there times you know what I am thinking about?

There are times, recently I notice there are less kisses from you, I know what it is that you fear...I wonder if you know what I am fearing now?

There are times when I can't help but hug you because my heart feels cold.

There are times that the smile I give in front of you, it isn't real, do you know?

There are times when 'I'm fine' means 'I'm not alright, I just dont want you to worry.'

There are times I wonder if I was thinking too much, I know I have...

But am I really?

人生的一个困难

我不懂得该如何。。。
我懂您担心。。。
我懂您觉得我会给人骗。。
但我很想相信，我做这个决定是没错的。。。
我很想试试看。。。我和他，能走多久，多远。。。
未来我们都不知道会发生什么事。。
我的心，跟我说，喜欢就喜欢。。。
我很想您给我机会，给他机会，真明给您看。可以吗？

我知道您疼我。。。
我也很爱很爱您。。。
您说的一切，
对我来说。。。
是世界的一切。。。
我真的懂，您说的一切。。。
但是。。。
可以不要否认我的努力吗？

这一次。。。给我，给他。。机会吧。。。

C.E.Soon

Is she wrong?

Boy:I broke up with her.

His Best Friend:What happened?

Boy:She’s just too much for me. ...

His Best Friend:What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy:Well, ...for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy:Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink much. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy:But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy:I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her.

His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy:Well, she....

His Best Friend:You broke up with her because she just wanna be a good one for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. And I just heard that you found a new one whom just came into your life recently, so that made you simply break your girlfriend's heart just like that? Are you sure that, that girl is real good? Not because of illusion? Are you proud?

Boy:I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

His Best Friend:You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened...

 Credits: A friend, from a friend of friend etc~ Anon.